Presidential Choice: Write-in Mr.Giant-The Better Alternative

 

I know many people -- Republicans, Democrats and those in the netherworld who are dismayed over having to make a choice between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton for President. One choice is a “do not know much about nothing”, irritating, pompous celebrity and the other is an untrustworthy, corrupt, politician with a horrible laugh who no one really likes.

What is a person to do? How about a third party candidate? Nope! Never works. However, I have a solution. A national write-in campaign and I have the perfect candidate. His name is Mr. Giant and he is my choice to be the next President.

Look at this face. Calm, intelligent, wise, loyal and honest.
Mr. Giant for President-the better alternative

 

Mr. Giant is an eleven-year-old tabby cat, a Felis Catus in scientific terms, weighing in at a svelte twenty pounds. What, you say? A cat cannot be President. Why not? The fact the beast walks on all fours is not exculpatory. It would be blatant discrimination to disqualify a creature because they are different from the rest of us. Plus the fact Mr. Giant has a fur coat should not matter. I have seen men on the beach in New Jersey with more hair on their back than Mr. Giant has.  

The Constitution provides simple rules for the qualifications for being presidential candidates. They have remained the same since the year Washington accepted the presidency. A presidential candidate must be a natural born citizen of the United States, a resident for 14 years, and 35 years of age or older. These requirements do not prohibit a woman from being president or anyone else for that matter and, nor do they say a feline or say a canine is prohibited from assuming office.  

Let’s examine these Constitutional edicts. There is no question Mr. Giant was born in this country. He did not have to get a visa to be here or sneak across the border. He does not have a foreign accent. I have his genuine birth papers and I have meet his brothers and seen his mom. So there is no “birther” issue here. Mr. Giant is a natural born American.

What about his age? Well, Mr. Giant is nearly sixty-four. The calculation is simple and can also be applied to the Residency requirement. To convert cat age to an equivalent human age the accepted method is to add 15 years for the first year and add 10 years for the second year of life.  Then, 4 years for every cat year after that.

I know. Mr. Giant does not look 64 but he has accumulated the wisdom of a lifetime. He has a superior intelligence. Look at what he has accomplished. He has found a person- in the case me- who makes sure there is a clean toilet everyday. (No bathroom laws in his house as he is neutered) He has his food served to him. Fresh water and drinks at his pleasure. He gets brushed for personal grooming, head scrambles for soothing scalp massages, has a basket full of toys for playing, dedicated scratch pad and gets supervised outside time on a regular basis. How many of us can say we have all this provided for us? Pretty smart guy to get all of this.

Mr. Giant has never lied to me, has never meowed a harsh word about anyone. Unlike the other candidates, he has demonstrated repeated acts of personal valor and bravery and a dedication to the security of the Homeland. This winter alone he repelled 3 known separate invasions of mice, all ending in their demise.  

Mr. Giant believes that most of the time our government makes bad decisions and is often incompetent in carrying out its basic functions. Mr. Giant has pledged to reduce the number of these mistakes by keeping to a rigid schedule of naps. There would be less time to screw things up, or so the thinking goes.

There you have it. A real success story -- from homeless shelter to the pinnacle of power. Write-in Mr. Giant for President. The Better Alternative.

Comments

[Hawi Moore]

Well said