Rules for Attending National Political Conventions:

The national political conventions will soon convene. Republicans go first and will hold their event in Tampa and the Democrats will follow in Charlotte. Both are fine venues, although the beaches hold more attraction to me.

 Conventions have become made for televisions event. Unlike past years when mainline networks had gavel-to-gavel coverage, viewing today means a few prime time hours in carefully staged events. Actions on the podium are choreographed like a fine ballet, scripted and sterile.

The gathering of the faithful serves multiple purposes. A convention energizes the flock. Attendees can listen to speakers denigrate the opposition and preach to the converted. It allows a look at the up-and-coming party and elected officials. A convention allows grown men and women a chance to wear funny hats, clothes and badges. They can whoop and holler without embarrassment. The outcome is known; there will be no surprises and no drama. It is expensive and the number and degree of hangovers is mythical.

 I have attended three conventions and have a few suggestions for those who will go this time around. The purpose of attending these things is to have a good time, look important, make some contacts and do business.

First of all, the action is not in the arena. It is outside the hall. Networking is done at those awful breakfast meetings, luncheon events and, of course, at the happy hour receptions. That is where, politicians like to be seen, consultants like to dole out cards and lobbyists work the room. Media is around looking for a story or an interview with an average American (none of which attend these kinds of galas, after all this not a national meeting of real estate agents.)

Your hotel denotes your status. If you are staying 25 miles away at the Hampton Inn, then you will not be viewed as a player. Staying close where the nominee is the premium spot but any over priced close in hotel will suffice.

Accumulate credentials and wear them on one of those neck ropes, the more the better. If you cannot raise your head because there are so many tickets and credentials around you neck, others will note your status. The alternative is to wear nothing like you are so important you do not need them. This usually does not work but worth a try.

Never wear a button or goofy hat. Enough said on that. Always wear a suit or coat and tie, professional attire for women. Four inch heels and Cuban stockings will be remembered. Never let anyone see you in a bathing suit or with an unbuttoned shirt showing your gold chain. Stay out of the heat to prevent over sweating and pitting out. Looking at your phone all the time, makes you look insecure, not important, that went out long ago.

Eating is always an issue. Forego the meatballs, cheese dip, celery sticks and eggs rolls at the various receptions. The food will cause major kickback and drain energy. Meals should be arranged at high priced restaurants, (paid by someone else) in groups of about 6. No reason to be in the Convention Hall, as you can watch it on TV and it is boring anyway. Order good wine but do not drink too much, there is time for that later. Name drop your place often before and after the meal.  

An attendee’s status is ultimately determined not by Romney or Obama calling you by your first name but what parties you are invited to. There are usually five or so important parties. There is lots of free booze, music, dancing and food worth eating. It is amazing how a few hundred drinks loosen up people and make them regret what they do or say. I love to see those kind of things. These parties can go late. If you end up at some strip joint stuffing money down some g-string, you are a nobody. Leave the party before the ice melts but make sure you stop by the hotel bar to be seen, and perhaps meet someone new or even learn something. Do not bring anyone back to your room under any circumstances.

Finally, have a sidekick. Someone to go around with, it makes it less awkward at receptions and makes it look like you have a posse.

I do not think I will miss attending. However, I am glad I have been apart of this political lore. It was worth experiencing. . 

 

Comments

[Beekeeper]

very funny, written like a pro bet you would be fun to hang with